A Last Light
by The Cavity
Summary: When Bella dies while giving birth to Nessie, Edward blames Nessie and leaves the Cullen Clan for 7 years. Edward is coming back for the first time since the funeral, and he still resents his child.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilght…or any characters….please don't sue me.

The universe stopped for Edward as every beautiful thing he knew about was dying with the agonized yells of Bella. He was yelling at Carlisle, and Carlisle was yelling back something at him about the baby. The little monster was killing his wife and splattering her blood on every surface imaginable.

"Carlisle…she can't die!!! We can't let her die!!!" he could hear himself screaming.

"Edward…there's only one option"

Edward had always known the day would come when he'd have to choose between Bella dying and him killing her anyways, but he had no idea the moment would be now or that the timing would be sudden. With a wavering moment of hesitation he knew there was only one way to save Bella, and Carlisle stared on at Edward with an anxious look on his face, as Carlisle began heaving his hands inside of the crimson mess ripping its way through Bella's body.

His fangs were gentle as he sank his teeth into her wrist. The tempting floral smell wafting around his nose as her warm blood sank down his throat. He was the monster he'd always warned her about. The only thing he could think about was sucking every delectable morsel of his prey's warm blood. For a moment he wasn't in Carlisle's study saving his wife from their mistakes. His face wasn't covered in her blood as Carlisle cradled the bloody baby. Edward was what he always had been in nature: a monster.

"She doesn't have much blood left" Edward could hear from a far-off distance. "Edward, son, you've got to stop now"

Edward could feel himself against her body, and he remembered he loved her. The only thing that could rip Edward away from this weak mortal human being was that he loved her more than he loved any star in the dark night sky, and any combination of musical notes being played in any gorgeous melody.

He pulled back from her body wiping his mouth, and staring at his wife. Now they could co-exist on the same exact planet for the rest of their lives. This had always been the plan he remembered. No heaven and no hell for Edward and Bella. They were meant to live together forever occupying the same parts of the earth at the same time with their love for one another. He could hear the venom working on Bella's body, and smiled. The Earth could be a happy place for eternity. Destiny could get one thing right.

The monster leaped out of Carlisle's hands, and Edward watched in slow motion as it sank its teeth straight into Bella's body. It was feasting and lapping up the blood at once. Edward could see Bella's body growing paler and paler with every second. Carlisle attempted to rectify his mistake by pulling the body off of Bella, but it was attached to her. The vile thing's fingernails slashing and digging into the remaining skin Bella had left. Edward pulled to, and the moment the baby let go of Bella. The moment he breathed in the smell of the air around him, Edward knew in the core of his existence one fact.

Carlisle looked at Edward's crestfallen face. The baby cooing in his arms, and resting its hand on Carlisle's arm letting him know how thirsty she had been, but everything was better now. He knew the thing in his arms was not a thing but a legitimate person with a soul and a personality. Carlisle looked at Edward as he fell to his knees, and then he looked at Bella's lifeless body and knew she was dead.

"Son" he said quietly. "Son, I'm so very sorry"

Edward overturned the silver -operating tray next to the bed as all of the instruments made a loud clattering sound onto the wooden floor. He clutched his chest because he could feel his non- existing heart ripping to shreds and dying. This was the one thing he'd feared since he knew he loved Bella. The sobs were loud and hard, but no tears came out. Every physical aspect of Edward was being mocked by the fact he couldn't shed one tear for the only person he had ever loved.

The world didn't make any sense. Everything seemed laughable. Bella wasn't really gone it was impossible. This was just a joke, she'd always had a weird since of humor. At any moment he would hear her little heart start back up, and in a few days he'd joke about how Bella's body had given him a scare.

He stared toward the operating table waiting for her heart to stop. A small smile playing on his lips because she'd always told him that she was tougher than she looked. Right now she was fighting, and Bella just couldn't die quite so easily. Any moment now she'd be alive.

"Just fight Bella, let your heart start that beating sound" he said to her ear. Edward held onto her stiff hand and waited patiently for a moment.

Bella wasn't gone…She just couldn't be.

~.~.~

Carlisle recalled the demented look of his son as he sat in his new study staring at the bookshelf with all of the books from the 19th century. Jasper walked into the study and stared at him for a moment. He sat down in his chair very properly using manners he probably remembered in the civil war era. Jasper, not being a vampire that ever used many words stared at Carlisle for a moment with an almost childlike gaze.

"Yes?"

"So….What're you thinking about?"

A smirk played on Carlisle's lips for a second as he remembered Jasper could sense emotional climates, and was probably concerned about the amount of confusion and concern Carlisle had paired with his thoughts.

"Edward" he sighed.

"Oh…Alice said he was coming back tomorrow"

"I don't know what state I will see him in. I wish Alice could tell me that."

"Its been hard for her…she misses him a ton…I think it makes it hard for her to concentrate."

"Do you remember the last time we saw Edward?"

Jasper scooted back in his chair as he easily recalled the memory of the lost and grief stricken expression Edward's face had when it was laying flowers onto her grave. He could feel every bit of agony in Edward's body and if Jasper wasn't a vampire would have probably felt like he was suffocating. The strangest thing about the memory was the look he had given Nessie right before he left 7 years ago. An unidentifiable look to everyone but Jasper, a look of compassion she was Bella's daughter mixed with hate and blame for Nessie killing her.

"Have you told Nessie her father is coming?"

"I don't know how to tell her. The last thing I want to do is damage her"

~.~.~.~

Nessie could hear Carlisle and Jasper talking in the study as she did her homework in her room just above her grandfather's study. Her room was pale pink and white with an overflowing bookshelf of mystery and thriller novels. A light pink desk from the 1940s was situated just across from her very fluffy queen sized sleigh bed. She had a small piano, which had been her father's next to her window seat, and a slow moving old computer that was her mother's. Nessie had a faster laptop her Aunt Alice had given her laying on her window seat, but she always used her mother's old computer because if there was one thing Nessie loved it was history.

When she heard her grandfather and her uncle talking about her father she was straining her ears to see where Jasper was so she could talk to him about the civil war. In school, she had an assignment about the causes of the civil war, she really didn't need Jasper's help on homework, but when her family explained time periods she could pretend like she was in the moment at a different place.

Nessie could barely hear her grandfather and uncle talking about her father, and every now and then someone in the house would ruffle some papers or the television would make an extremely loud sound. Their voices went in and out as she listened, but she did know something important. Tomorrow, she would get to meet her father again.

There was a light knock on her pale pink door as her Aunt Alice skipped in, took one look at Nessie, and stopped in her tracks.

"What are those? And who introduced them into your wardrobe"

"Sweatpants? They're super comfortable, and Jacob gave them to me"

"That is such a mistake. You should never let a werewolf dress you."

Nessie rolled her eyes and decided to change the conversation "Can you keep a secret?"

At this comment Alice's eyes lit up and she nodded making a sign reminiscent of some boy-scout movie Nessie had seen years ago.

"Yes…of course I can keep a secret"

"I know something I'm not supposed to know"

"What is it?" Alice said excitedly.

Nessie rested her hand on Alice's arm and showed her what she knew smiling.

"I'm so excited" she said letting go.

Alice's eager face sank a little as she looked at her niece and then stared out of the window trying to hide her face.

"What? What's wrong?"

Nessie was concerned as she looked at her Aunt's sad looking face, not sure what had changed the expression.

The two of them set in silence as Alice tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't crush Nessie's feelings.

"Its just…your dad really loved your mom"

"I know everyone says that"

"And it is very hard for him to be around you without thinking about her"

"What aren't you telling me Aunt Alice?"

"Your dad loves you, all of us are sure….its just he might be very distant when he sees you"

"What does that mean?"

Alice shook her head and smiled at Nessie. "You know what… don't you worry about it. Everything will work out"

"Are you sure?"

Alice hated lying, and she didn't want to tell Nessie things that she wasn't sure of, but during the duration of the conversation Nessie's eyes started looking more and more disappointed, and the one thing Alice couldn't do was tell her the sad truth. She didn't want her to know Edward couldn't stand the sight of Nessie last time he saw her. He resented every breath Nessie took, and thought she was the biggest mistake of his life. In her heart, Alice vowed to herself that she would make Edward treat her like he loved her even if she had to tear apart every limb from his body.

Thanks for reading please review.


	2. Chapter 2 A Reluctant Promise

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephenie Meyers profitable ideas, or the movie What a Girl Wants. I only own my non-profitable collegiate debt.

A/n: Thanks for the response guys!!! It excited me soo much! I wanted to thank the people who added me to their story alert and favorites list.

_**So thanks Tina1992, jacs654322, lanigirl96003, and abriluxca. **_

Your Reviews made me so happy!!!! Is it too soon in our relationship to tell you guys that I love you?

Yours,

The_Cavity

The rain outside was cool and hard as Nessie and Jacob sat underneath the tan colored veranda outside of the house. Nessie leaned her head against her werewolf's warm shoulder and allowed herself to feel the level of comfort she only felt with Jacob. The rhythmic pitter-patter of the rain interlaced with the fast and hard beating sound of his heart almost entranced her into a sleepy reverie as she thought about 2 hours from now; when her dream would come true.

She tried to imagine the moment she and her dad would meet for the first time. He'd give her a smile and a warm hug, and then tell her how much he missed her. Maybe not at first, but in a month, or a year the two of them would move into the cottage that was supposed to be her mother's. They'd be a real family.

"You know, it might not be that simple Nessers" her best friend said concerned.

"What're you talking about Jake?"

"The thoughts you're projecting to me."

"I didn't mean to project them." Sometimes, when she had strong thoughts they would accidentally transfer when she didn't intend for them to. If her feelings were strong enough; then they could project without any form of touch. As Nessie moved her body she remembered her head was leaned against Jacob's bare shoulder. She sat upright not wanting to accidentally project anymore.

"Alice told me that everything will work. And I'll get to see all of those ways everybody tells me that I'm just like my dad. Then, he can tell me about mom. You know, the stuff no one will tell me"

'_Ness must have inherited that gene to not see Edward clearly from her mother'_ Jacob thought to himself as he sighed at Nessie's last comment. He could tell the Cullen's had wanted to protect her from the pain that was coming and everyone but Nessie knew the truth.

No matter how many immortal people surrounded Ness they couldn't protect her forever, and they couldn't keep hiding her past from her. More than anything, Jacob was concerned about how Nessie would feel in 2 hours when her father might give her a look reminiscent of the utter loathing he gave her during Bella's funeral. Would a repeat of that look alone damage everything the Cullens and Jacob told her about how much her mother loved her, and that her parents did want her in their hearts.

He couldn't keep the lie going any longer because he more than loved Ness; he was somehow attached to her.

"I want you to listen to me, and please don't get upset about what I'm going to tell you about your dad."

"Ok" she said hesitantly.

"Sometimes when people die they change."

"I know grandfather Carlisle told me about the stages of grief and depression."

"You understand, but you don't understand. And everyone has been keeping this from you because they don't want to hurt you. When your mother died 7 years ago… your father changed, and he may not be the dad you expect to see. He may not be all Collin Firth and accepting of you like in that movie with Amanda Bynes"

"What a Girl Wants is my favorite movie"

"Nessie…pay attention! You aren't paying attention to what I am telling you."

"Yes I am! My dad has changed and he'll be different, but Alice said that he loves me. And if he loves me he'll be excited to see me like I'm excited to see him."

"He might not be that way, is what I'm trying to say!"

"Why are you trying to ruin this for me? I've been waiting 7 years! I get it…Everyone knows you don't like my father! But, if you want to be my friend then don't ruin this for me because you don't like my dad"

"What?" Jacob said confused "That isn't what this is about at all!"

"Then what is it about?" Nessie said getting up in one motion, then opening the sliding door and going into the house. Jacob stood up to follow her and explain himself, but the lock to the sliding door had clicked shut. The blinds were then drawn and tightened by a pissed off 7 year old. Jacob may not have had the smarts of a vampire, but he knew Nessie didn't want him to follow her.

~.~.~1 hour later.~~~

Alice, Rosalie, Emmet, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were in the large living room standing in a very close circle. Each of them could hear Nessie's heart anxiously pumping upstairs in her room. She was probably staring out of her window in some kind of eager anticipation for her father's arrival. Since she was 3 months, Nessie had been waiting for the moment she would meet her father, and this was what everyone in the living room dreaded.

"Carlisle, he is so close…what do we do?" Alice said urgently.

"How can she not be ready?" Esme said with her hand over her chest looking concerned toward the marble floor in the foyer just off of the living room "How could we never prepare her for what may happen? Why didn't we prepare her?"

Carlisle standing next to Esme put a hand over her other hand giving her a sincere look "How can you tell a child her father rejects her?"

Everyone's eyes took on a grim look of understanding as they nervously tried to think of ways to fix the neglect. The Cullens had been happy to pretend like the problem didn't exist and wouldn't come back and haunt them. They had wanted to be wishful in something they all knew would be unrealistic.

"Jasper and Alice" Carlisle said rubbing his temple "Can you run ahead and warn Edward of Nessie. I know he knows she is here, but could you do anything to try and convince him to not treat her coldly. To not tell her about Bella's death?"

The two of them looked at each other and then nodded "Do anything you possibly can before he gets here, and we will wait with Nessie"

Alice and Jasper went through the front door, and Jasper reached out for Alice's hand. The two of them briefly looked towards the forest listening for the sound of Edward approaching. A family of deer were very near, a mountain lion roared in the distance, and they could hear the sound of a cars engine driving faster than any normal human being would dare to drive. The two of them ran together thinking of ways they could persuade Edward of being kind to Nessie. Jasper wondering what condition Edward was in after 7 years.

The two of them stopped in the middle of the main road knowing that Edward would see them and slow down, and even if Edward didn't slow down it would probably only damage the car. Luckily, Edward spotted Jasper and Alice and slowed down stopping his Volvo just in front of them and getting out of the car.

Jasper catalogued several things at once; Edward's eyes were blood red, his hair unkempt and matted together, and his shirt stained with dried blood. This wasn't the same Edward he knew before Bella. Jasper had hoped that maybe Edward would have changed back to himself in many ways, but he knew this was a changed a man; a lost man. Esme would be disappointed.

As Jasper walked closer to Edward, he was struck even more by his eyes, because they were a fire-engine red, weary, and melancholy. Every time, Edward blinked his eyes would shut very slowly and then open as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Edward's chest was heaving as he breathed staring at Alice and Jasper together. They still loved each other and they still had each other. Everyone in his family had someone to love for eternity. Edward didn't his was murdered. He recalled that 7 years ago, one of the reasons he left was it was hard to see people together after…after…the incident. He wanted to turn around this was a mistake.

Alice saw the direction of Edward's future changing and before he left again she wanted the chance to give her brother a hug. Since Alice never had a use for subtlety she quickly wrapped her arms around Edward.

"I'm so glad you're back I've missed you" Alice breathed in the scent of his shirt which smelled like blood mixed with Africa, and a rustic burned wood smell. She could feel Edward's hand patting her back awkwardly.

"I've missed you to" Edward said struggling for the right words to use with his family. The people he loved.

Alice and Edward looked at Jasper. Jasper almost bowed, and then settled on doing a curt nod. Edward smirked, and Jasper remembered Edward could read his thoughts. He would miss having his own thoughts to himself.

"We came because Carlisle sent us" Jasper said to Edward not wanting to spoil the reunion, but needing to get to business.

"Why would Carlisle send you? Has something happened while I was away?"

"No nothing has happened" Alice said understanding Edward's fears and taking over the conversation. She could feel Jasper giving her courage, which meant Jasper was acting cowardly and he wanted Alice to talk anyways. Normally she'd give him a look, but this was about something important and not Jasper.

"Its about Renesmeee" As soon as Alice said the sentence she saw Edward's eyes darken and as he gave her a hollow lost look. Edward looked toward the street.

"What…about…Renesmee?" he said with his words low, slow, and evenly paced. He hoped she was dead, and he wouldn't have to think about her anymore. The little monster had been his biggest mistake. Edward could feel himself calming down right before Alice continued. He chanced a look at Jasper and knew he was using his power on him.

"She is your daughter and she wants to get to know you"

His eyes widened in agony. "I can't talk to it"

"Her…she's your daughter…she's part human"

"And part monster--"

"Edward" Alice continued "She wants you to love her, and nobody has the heart to tell her that you're rejecting her. Even if you don't love her….please… just act like you do"

"I can't do that. I just can't do that"

"Please, its what Carlisle wants…it's what Esme wants…its what we want…and its what Bella would want"

"That thing killed Bella! Death wasn't what Bella wanted!" Edward yelled at Alice.

"Edward, please remember Bella was willing to die to see her baby born! If she could see you now she'd be disappointed in what you've become Edward!"

"I can't be anything other than this" Edward said defeated.

"Then why did you come back Edward? We've been waiting 7 years for you to make an appearance. I've known you were a lot of things, but I never thought you were a coward"

"I am a coward"

"No you're not!"

Edward didn't respond he just stared at the road wanting to cry or let out the agony he felt in any way he possibly could, but he couldn't. Nothing could leave his body that would make him feel any better.

"Whatever you do Edward, just don't tell her she killed Bella…she's a person and she doesn't deserve that kind of pain"

"She's only half of a person."

"You don't have to tell her that you love her, but please don't tell her that you don't"

"O.K" Edward said resigning Nessie was his mistake and he would have to deal with that "I won't tell her I don't love her, and I won't tell her that she killed Bella"

"Thank you Edward…. Thank you so much"

Edward just stared at the ground not wanting to join his family, and wanting to run away for another 7 years. A slight feeling of relief and contentment was washing over him, but even Jasper couldn't take away all of his feelings.

A/n: Thanks for reading!!! Please R&R., and expect an update in a few days.


	3. Chapter 3 Taking and Leaving

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I wish that I did.

A/n: You guys make me so happy. It thrills me to see my e-mail with all those amazing Fan Fic alerts. In fact, its so amazing it reminds me to keep writing. Thanks Guys!

_**Special thanks to: brebee2010, Blood Dimondz, spashley16, CoCandyNguyen, Sibs101, DeformedGirl, hotpinkice, angdar, heaven's blade, and Everyone Else!!!**_

To the reviewers: lanigirl96003-finally someone who agrees with me, its really typical Edward behavior. He has to internalize everything! Sibs101-thanks! I'll try to keep it up, DeformedGirl- Next update should be some time this week (expect before Thursday. I've got a midterm Thursday), renesmeetwinsister-I'm thinking about stealing those last 2 lines. They'd go pretty good.

Yours,

The_ Cavity

Edward knew he made a mistake the moment his eyes came in contact with Bella's eyes. The creature was trying to contain its excitement as it bounced from foot to foot with a smile flickering on and off of its face. Everything it did reminded him of the love he lost, and Edward was tempted of turning around as fast as he could and running to his Volvo.

"Son" Carlisle said walking towards Edward "I'm so glad that you've returned. The family has missed you"

Taken by surprise, Edward allowed Carlisle to hug him while staring at the creature he had last seen murdering his wife. It was so much like Bella, and this made him bitter and offended that the universe could take so much from him and pour it into something truly monstrous.

'_Son' _Carlisle said in his mind attempting to get Edward to listen to him instead of staring at Nessie _'I'm very concerned about you, and your daughter."_

"It isn't my daughter" Edward whispered to Carlisle "You can call it anything but that. I can't handle you calling it that"

'_Son stop it… she can hear you, and she has feeling and emotions and a soul'_

"It can't have anything like that. None of us can possess souls. All of us are damned Carlisle…All of us"

'_Don't do this here. Not in front of her'_

"Am I hurting it emotionally?" Edward could hear his voice rising above a whisper "Am I? It didn't care when it hurt her. Enlighten me; Did it have a soul then?"

"Edward…enough" Carlisle yelled staring at Nessie's horrified face. "Let's discuss this upstairs, away from her. You told Alice and Jasper you wouldn't do this"

"I'm not the person you think I am! I can't pretend like what happened didn't happen. If it has a soul like you think it does, then it deserves to know what it did. It deserves to know it's a demon!"

"Sorry Ed" Emmet said to Edward as he restrained him and started moving him inside of the house, and inside of the Carlisle's study. Jasper and Carlisle followed Emmet and Edward inside of the house.

Nessie was trying to pretend like she hadn't heard everything her father just said to Carlisle. She wanted to pretend like she hadn't been anticipating a beautiful reunion where her father accepted her with open arms. Nessie's mouth was quivering, and she could feel saliva in the back of her throat. Tears were welling in her eyes, she could feel her body shaking, and Rosalie, Alice, Esme and Jacob were all surrounding her. The last thing Nessie wanted to do was cry or be comforted. She didn't feel like talking to her family because she felt like she had been lied to. All of them told her Edward loved her as much as he loved her mother. This obviously wasn't true.

She was confused, hurt, angry, and lost. Nessie didn't know what to do, or how she should react. If they could let her believe she'd have a beautiful reunion with her father, then what else could they be lying about?

Summoning strength Nessie wasn't aware she had, she pushed everyone off of her, and ran into the forest where she knew it would be night soon. Running was the only thing that made any sense. She stretched her legs and felt her muscles warming up. She ran until she couldn't hear anyone calling her name anymore. An owl hooted once and then twice. Nessie could feel her body tiring and then there wasn't any forest anymore. Only dark night gravel road.

The sight of the road made her stop and contemplate her situation. She should return home and talk to her family. Part of life was supposed to be about facing fears and overcoming obstacles. Of course, Carlisle had taught her the theory of facing fears, but until this moment she had never had a fear she needed to face.

Nessie like the simplicity of her problem. She reduced herself from millions of inconsequential questions to one large question: Should she return home or get as far away from the house she lived in as she possibly could?

For someone of above human intelligence her choice wasn't logical. In fact, Nessie only had $5.00 in her pocket, and knew she couldn't keep running away forever. She knew what she was doing didn't make sense, and she was proud of herself. Nessie didn't want to be the Renesmee who made sound choices and got straight A's on every prep school report card. For once, she was a rebel, and she was going against everything her family had ever told her.

A truck drove down the road, Nessie stuck her thumb out, and the car slowed down. The driver was an old man with graying hair and a little bit of salt and pepper stubble. He was missing a few of his front teeth, and spoke with a drawl uncommon to the region they were in.

"Well Missy…where ya headed?"

Where was she headed? Nessie could go anywhere. At first, she couldn't decide where she wanted to go, but one name stuck in her head. As much as Nessie wanted to escape who she was, she also wanted to learn about her past.

"I'm trying to get to Forks"

At this the old man smiled a semi-toothless smile.

~.~.

"Edward, I am very concerned about you" Carlisle said staring directly into his eyes and speaking calmly.

"Concerned about what?"

"The relationship between you and your daughter"

"Carlisle…that thing will never be my daughter. Never."

"O.K." Carlisle said defeated for the moment, but determined to work on the relationship later "Have you been feeding on humans?"

"No"

"Son, don't lie to me!"

"Then don't ask me obvious questions! Why should I pretend that I'm not a monster?"

"What?" Carlisle said somewhat confused "Edward you aren't a monster"

"I am a monster, and that thing outside could have been Bella's sweet daughter if I hadn't ruined it with my propensity for being a vicious murderer."

Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmet all sighed at once. "You aren't a murderer" Jasper said quietly. "You are good and salvageable. You aren't as lost as you seem to think you are"

"Oh what do you know Jasper? You've never lost Alice! She is everything that is beautiful in you, and you will have her forever. Our little charade of humanity hasn't damned you" Edward said with his voice straining. He grabbed his car keys out of his pocket prepared to leave again.

"Where are you going?" Emmet said using his voice for the first time since he'd thrown Edward into the chair.

"I am leaving. This is too hard. I can't do this. This is ridiculous. I can't be here anymore"

"If you were just going to go, then why would you come back?" said Jacob from the doorway his face full of frustration.

"Nessie ran in the forest, and its getting dark. You guys should go looking for her" Jacob said to the others not taking his eyes off of Edward "Don't worry, Edward and I are going to look for Ness together."

Carlisle wasn't sure if that was the best option, but he ran outside of the house with Jasper and Emmet as fast as he could anyways.

"We're supposed to go in the car" Edward said to Jacob after hearing what Carlisle was thinking to him.

Both of them ran toward Edward's Volvo in a tense silence. The car took off and Edward rolled down the windows as Jacob tried to listen for any sound of Ness. Edward pretended like he was listening for that thing, but knew if he heard anything that sounded like Nessie he was going to pretend as though he hadn't. The thing could stay lost and gone if it wanted to.

After a few minutes, Jacob couldn't contain his anger any longer "Why now Edward? Why now? Everything was going great and then you had to return"

"I don't really know." Edward said sighing. After Bella's death Edward and Jacob had gained a mutual respect for each other. They both knew the pain of loosing Bella, and the loss had brought them together. Jacob was the only person from the past Edward had talked to in the 7 years he was gone. They had exchanged only 3 letters, but Edward felt like Jacob was the closest to understanding his pain.

"I don't believe that"

"This is going to seem very odd to you, and I don't expect you to understand. I feel sometimes like Bella is talking to me and guiding some path. She wanted me to return here."

"What?"

"I had a dream…and Bella wanted me to stop running and go home. She said that there was something important that I needed to take care of for her. She said she left something behind in her favorite book. I don't normally believe in those kind of things, but the dream was clear and vivid and this is the 3rd time I've had it."

"What book?"

"Wuthering Heights"

"And when you find the book and what she left behind. What are you going to do then?" Jacob said hoping that Edward was going to find what he was looking for and not keep damaging Nessie the way he had earlier.

"I don't know. Maybe it will tell me what is next"

A/n: Thanks for reading! Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4 Finding Nessie

Disclaimer: I'm broke. I don't own any characters. Please don't sue me.

A/n: The usual comments are now at the bottom.

"Carlisle wants us to return home" Edward said disinterested to Jacob. He turned up the volume in his car, and silently thanked himself that his demon daughter had the decency to run away.

The ride back was silent as Edward attempted to count trees passing the window. He was trying to distract himself from the loud and obnoxious frustrated thoughts Jacob was politely trying to hold back. Five more trees passed, and the music hit crescendo when Jacob's thoughts finally began to irritate Edward.

"Jacob, I can hear every single thought going on in your head"

'_Good.'_ Jacob thought before he could grab control of his mind, and begin to conjugate Spanish verbs. Jacob's verb conjugation lasted for 30 seconds before he gave up.

"I'm sorry Edward, it's just…I think you're being ridiculous"

"Its because you're blinded. You've imprinted on it. You can't see it the way I can see it"

"How do you see her Edward?"

"That thing is a part of me. Its part monster"

"It's also a part of Bella. Doesn't that bit of goodness override everything?"

There was silence in the car as Edward listened to Chopin's music become slower and fade. There was a moment, once, when he wondered what life would have been like if it hadn't killed his wife. Could they have all lived happily and peacefully together forever? He let the thought cloud his mind for too long, and began to feel despair take over his body. Bella was gone, and nothing that ever happened would bring her back.

"The child" he said with a hint of distress "has already shown its true colors"

"Edward, I don't buy it" Jacob said shaking his head and staring directly at Edward "You have 50 million friggin degrees, can read minds, and you still don't understand that children make mistakes? You know she isn't a monster! You've heard her thoughts!"

"Is it O.K If we just listen to the music on the way back Jacob? I just can't discuss this with you because you don't understand."

Edward didn't wait for Jacob's reply, instead he blasted Chopin on his excellent stereo system. Jacob rolled his eyes and looked out of the window. He would make Edward admit that his daughter wasn't a monster, or he'd force Edward to leave and never come back.

~.~.~

"I can't keep my eyes open no more. Hun, we gotta stop over at this motel." Mitch the truck driver said to Nessie. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard and couldn't believe it was 12:00 AM. Time had flown with Mitch talking about the plum pie his wife made, and how she reminded him of his granddaughter. She even began to appreciate his woodsy smell mixed with tobacco.

The truck pulled into the parking lot of the stucco motel. A base rattled as Mitch and her walked over to the room the manager had assigned. After taking in the sounds of high slurred talking and smells of perfume and nicotine, she let her eyes see her surrounding. Nessie saw the still night sky hovering above them, the overly made up ladies walking one heel in front of the other, the guys listening to the radio, and the boy and girl making out on the floor above them. She was glad she was with Mitch. For some unexplainable reason, she just felt safe.

Mitch was in his 50's and his grey eyes were alert as Nessie followed him into the room on the bottom floor. The door was tan with a rusted 77 above the peep hole. When she stepped inside a light flickered on and made a soft buzzing sound. There was only one bed, and a couch on the opposite side of the room.

"Not Bad…eh?" Mitch said to no one in particular.

The tan door made a slam when it shut, and startled Nessie and Mitch. Mitch looked at her for a moment, and walked toward the television next to the couch and across from the green covered bed.

"You look nearly dead. You should take the first shower"

Eager for the feeling of warm water, she smiled at Mitch, and before she went in to the small bathroom to take her shower turned around and stared at Mitch wanting to express her gratitude for him taking care of her. "Thanks so much for everything Mitch. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have met someone like you on the road"

"No problem Missy…none at all. I'm gonna step out for a minute. Don't wait up"

Nessie heard the door slam shut as she walked to the shower. After her shower she decided to use one of the towels and sleep on the couch. She thought Mitch deserved the bed after all he had done for her. It wasn't until much later that she heard the door slam shut signaling Mitch's arrival. She drifted off in to sleep again.

The smell of nicotine and outside mixed with a sickly sweet smell disturbed her senses. There was a change in the direction of the blowing air. Nessie cracked her eyes open slightly.

~.~

At once everyone in Carlisle's study could feel a pang of fear surge through their bodies. Alice sat on the couch with her hands on her head. She knew she couldn't see visions of Nessie, but tried her damndest to see any future she possibly could. There were a swirl of colors, a mixture of forest, but nothing stuck in her head.

"She must be projecting her thoughts over a distance…Something is wrong." Carlisle said voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Well, what do we do?" Rosalie said sounding somewhat high pitched and distraught "We have no clue where she is. She could have gotten a ride from anyone. She could be anywhere."

"Didn't you people teach it not to accept rides from strangers?" Edward chuckled.

"She may sound and look older, but in some respects, you must remember she is only 7 years old" Carlisle said calmly hoping that if he treated Edward calmly and logically explained thing his son he would begin to understand his daughter was a person.

Jacob could feel his skin tingling, heart tightening, and an unimaginable contempt growing for Edward. He was trying to keep his emotions calm so he wouldn't transform into a wolf and tear Edward to shreds. Jacob's entire body was shaking in concentration of staying human. He tried desperately to remember that killing Edward wouldn't save Nessie.

"How are we going to find Nessie?" Jacob said changing the subject with gritted teeth.

A tense silence took place around the room.

"There's only one option" Carlisle said staring at Edward "Maybe you can help us son?"

"You want me to help you find that mistake?"

"Son, it's the only way."

"No. I can't. I don't want it back"

"Edward, if you can't help us then would you leave. I thought I'd taught you better. I never thought the day would come when I'd be embarrassed and disappointed that I raised you"

The first non-Bella related emotion penetrated Edward's body for the first time in 7 years. As Edward began to walk out of Carlisle's study he began to feel guilty for disappointing his father. He became aware that some feelings were greater than despair for a long lost love. For some unexplainable reason, Edward felt he could disappoint himself and everyone else, but not Carlisle.

Edward turned around and walked toward the family, with a resignation to not disappoint his father. "I'm sorry…I may not agree with finding her, but I can help you"

A/n: Many thanks to all those who waited so patiently for this chapter. I had the mother of all midterms. ICK. After a 20 page hand-written essay my mojo for writing was pretty much gone. So thanks to the following: **limegreen23--**I think you should know you have the most amazing SN. **MirandaTX21—**Hope you feel better and thanks for reminding I had a story that needed writing. Kierraayanna, Cassie, Sibs101, muffincakes (which is also another amazing sn), angdar, and fluro-socks for reviewing on chapter 3.

Ok…I've got to run to class now.

Please R&R.


	5. Chapter 5 Lost and then Found

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nothing. I'm broke. I do, however, own the debit card that purchased the New Moon tickets at 11:59 (Central Time Zone) on November 19th. YAY!!!!

A/n: Thnx for waiting for the 5th chap, and the wait is almost over for New Moon.

Edward was conscious of every eye in the room staring at him in anticipation. All of them were confident in Carlisle's plan for Edward to attempt to reach out to the mind of Nessie except for Edward. What if he couldn't reach her mind? What if she didn't have a mind to reach out to? Even if she was a person, what if he didn't know her mind well enough to discern it from every other mind? Millions of questions made it difficult for Edward to focus on finding Nessie. He was tempted to not try, lie to his family, and tell them he just couldn't hear her. The only problem was he found he couldn't lie to his family.

A foreign feeling of courage and concentration entered into his body. Edward didn't know any reason he should feel confident, and turned to look at Jasper whose amber eyes were shut as he helped him. He focused on listening to a mind that was evil and deranged in every thought. A mind that successfully knew how to manipulate the people around it. He heard many lost minds willing evil and destruction; the sounds of a crazed man throwing his sisters body in the river, a woman planning on poisoning her son, and Nessie's scared face reflected in the worse mind he could feel.

Edward thought he had been reaching out to the mind of the thing that killed his wife. He was sure he was finding the black-hearted emotionless mind of something evil he created. Only, he was wrong. As he reached past the mind of his daughter's tormentor he heard what he had dreamed of hearing all of Bella's life. Edward heard what he always imagined Bella's thoughts sounded like. Her mind was unimaginably frightened, confused, and scared. Edward knew Nessie was sure she was going to die, but beyond the fear he could tell she had a sweet mature mind. For the first time, since Nessie killed Bella, Edward acknowledged his daughter wasn't a monster.

If Edward's existence didn't deny him the right to feel saltine tears falling down his cheek, he would have cried. Instead his face was tormented and frightened. He waited as his daughter kept recounting her thoughts,and reviewing her mistakes. She should never have run away, never had faith her father loved her, and never accepted a ride from a stranger. Nessie should have been smart enough to not make the mistakes she made. She felt she deserved whatever Mitch wanted to do to her. Edward saw every single thought in his daughters head grow stronger, until finally he saw the interstate, stucco motel, and the rusted number 77 on the door.

"She's at Shady Sunset. Room number 77" he said slightly above a whisper. Edward felt like it took minutes for everyone to run out to the cars, and take off. In actuality, only 3 seconds passed before everyone was in some type of car speeding down the highway. He wasn't sure who was in which car. The only thing he knew was that inside of his Volvo was Jacob.

During the 2-hour car ride, Edward's nervousness grew in anticipation. He felt guilty for what he had done to his daughter. How could he not believe his child inherited Bella's mind? Bella had told him many times she knew their child was not a soulless monster. He could remember the argument when Bella screamed at him for wanting to abort the baby.

"What if it has a soul Edward? What then?" Bella yelled at him hidden behind Rosalie with her voice higher and harder then Edward had ever heard it.

"But what if it kills you!"

"Its worth the risk!"

Edward should have listened. Why didn't he take the risk his daughter and wife needed him to take? His wife was willing to sacrifice herself to prove to Edward something she inherently had known about the child. The one thing Edward never listened to Bella about.

Now, Nessie was paying for Edward's mistake. The car ride was eerily silent as Edward couldn't stop torturing himself for being so narrow-mined he didn't listen to anything anyone told him.

"This is it" Jacob said breaking the silence staring at the dilapidated Sunset Pines sign just off of the interstate.

The sign was falling off of the steel pole with a flickering light that somewhat illuminated the early morning sky. Edward's nerves were uncontrollable. If he were a human his hands would be shaking and sweat falling down his brow, but Edward was still and steady. He could hear the tar against the tire, and the sound of 2 or 3 squeaking mattresses. His heart nearly tore in half when he heard the whimpering sound of his daughter the closer he drove to room number 77. Edward could hear every lost thought of his daughters breaking mind, and was only relieved by the fact he knew she wasn't dead.

Jacob did not bother trying to knock. As soon as he saw the number on the door he was no longer a human. Jacob didn't care what human saw his transformation from a person to a wolf. The other vamps parked messily in front of the motel, as Jacob burst through the door with his gray and black fur standing on ends. Drool fell down his mouth as he gnashed his teeth; intimidating.

Edward followed closely behind as he heard the man's screams of horror. Nessie layed limp in a chair with her mouth gagged and arms tied. Dried tears were against her cheek, but most painfully to Edward her eyes –Bella's eyes—looked defeated and lost. Edward knew he was responsible for the lost state of his daughter, and almost forgot about the evil man lying on the floor. The man who almost took away his daughter from him forever, until Jacob gnashed his teeth again.

At once, Rosalie was untying Nessie from her bind, and Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmet were next to him. The growl resonated from Edward's throat along with the 4 other men alongside him.

"My name is Edward" he said coolly letting the natural fear combined with Jasper's added fear make Mitch's face distort into a more horrified expression. "That is my daughter you decided to mess with. My daughter."

The man's old and gritty face focused briefly on Jacob as a big glob of drool fell onto his shirt.

"Who do you think you are messing with my daughter Mitch?"

"How'd ya know my name" Mitch whimpered so low even Edward almost didn't hear him.

"I know a lot about you. Your name is Mitch Stonewall. I know you have a wife named Lydia, live in Battleground Washington, and you've got 2 grown daughters. I know who you are and I know where you live. We could kill you at any moment and any place. Give me 3 reasons we should not kill you"

A moment passed with Mitch's fear escalating "That's murder…the law…the law won't protect ya from murder"

"Do we look like men who need to worry about the law?"

Mitch shook his head "no"

"Don't do this again to anyone else. If you want to take advantage of helpless people then you'd better be prepared to be helpless."

Mitch wasn't dead when Carlisle, Jasper, Emmet, Edward, and Jacob left. The Cullens didn't kill people, and wouldn't let scum like Mitch be responsible for a change in their natures. The man, however, was now toothless with broken arms, legs, fingers, and a cracked spine. Most painfully, carved into his flesh was the message:

_We'll find you and kill you if there is a next time._

Outside of room 77 was worse than if Edward had experienced the painful message given to Mitch 15 times. His little girl was crying into Rosalie's navy shirt. Edward could hear her lost thoughts of rejection and despair.

Edward wanted to tell his daughter how much she meant to him. He walked towards Rosalie and Nessie who were next to the black Mercedes. Edward wanted his little girl to know she didn't deserve anything that had happened to her, how much he loved her, and how brilliant she was. The millions of things he wanted to tell his daughter raced through his mind as he reached out for her shoulder.

Nessie jumped clinging closer to Rosalie, and afraid of the foreign touch.

"Renesmee" Edward said softly hoping she would turn towards him.

She didn't turn towards Edward, and pretended he didn't exist. The rest of the family crowded around Nessie, but Edward stayed back. He didn't belong here. Edward was a stranger to his daughter, and the only person he could blame was himself.

~.~

A/n: Many thanks to those of you who commented. I love hearing what you guys have got to say. Also tons of thanks to those of you who story alerted. I'd like to give a special thanks to: a master, Sara—I'm glad I made you cry, but sorry to make you tearful at the same time, Cindyrella0016,MrsEmCullen.x, Kiss007, and Mirandatx21—even though I posted, I'm still mad about the outcome of the pat/colts game.

Please R&R, and look for an update nxt. Mon.

Definitely do not expect an update on 11/19 at 11:59 PM (Central Time Zone) as I will be watching the release of New Moon with mirandatx21. I'm so stoked!!!!


	6. Chapter 6 In Loving Memory

Disclaimer: I am now the proud owner of a complete kolledge education. Unfortunately, I don't own any of Stephanie Meyer's characters so please don't sue me.

At 4:38 AM, when the early morning sky was venerably vast, Renesmee Cullen placed a noose around her neck, and jumped from her pink and white bed. She'd been so quiet over the past few weeks; she doubted anyone would notice her hanging body until Jacob came to try again—in vain—to persuade her to hunt or eat.

From her ceiling fan, the still body swung back and forth, like a pendulum. Her closed eyes saw nothing but black, and Nessie wondered if all death should feel as if nothing had happened. One small brown eye opened, and discovered being half immortal would preclude her from most conventional suicide attempts.

Nessie cut the rope with her sharp nails, and fell to the wooden ground. The magnitude of her situation should have created a deeper dive into depression, but the inability to end her life made a crazed relief filled laugh escape her lips. All at once Renesmee was crying and laughing, and she didn't understand why.

It felt good to laugh and experience another emotion other than emptiness. Her chest rocketed up and down with excess air and she leaned against her large bed staring at her father's small piano.

For the first time since the motel, Nessie believed she would experience more than coldness.

Without warning, Mitch's tongue was sliding cold along her collar bone, slowly up her neck, and finally forcing it's way on top of her shut mouth. Renesmee shuttered as she could feel his hands creeping around her body. The emptiness, coldness, anxiety, and guilt rushed straight through her veins and made her heart feel as though it was stopping.

'I'm an idiot. I could have stopped him. I deserve this' she stood from the floor and went to lay on her bed. Tears began flowing straight down her cheek reminding her of the feel of Mitch's saliva. He was in her room. She knew it. He'd come to treat her this way again and again until she could kill him, but Carlisle's words came rushing into her head "No matter what, you can't hurt humans."

These were the words of the same man who unblinkingly lied to her with "Your dad loves you with all of his heart"

Nessie was confused because in the worst event of her life she listened to Carlisle

'I must have wanted to be treated this way. What kind of person wants to feel something like this? I'm sick. I'm a monster'

The emotional pain struck colder and harder, Nessie wanted to jump off of the Grand Canyon, but she knew—with a disappointed agony—she would only land on her feet.

Edward opened her white wooden door with a soft click. His hair was mussed and matted, and lips drawn together into a tight line.

'He's come to tell me I'm a monster' Nessie thought.

"I'm sorry" her father admitted "I was…I was wrong about you…You are good…right…you are Bella's daughter…and not my monster"

He moved to sit next to Nessie, and could hear her thoughts filling up the room 'Go away. Go away. I'm a monster we both know it. I'm tired of being lied to'

"But here's the thing. You aren't a monster. I am….I won't have you…I won't have you taking the blame for something that is my fault. I knew better. I…knew…better. I'd told her no."

Nessie was confused, but her granite heart breaking for her tormented father. She wanted to hate him for hating her, and she couldn't hate someone who felt so guilty. Instead, she found herself listening raptly.

"I knew better than to run away and let the others…let them raise you. I knew I should have stayed in Denali…There were a billion times I…that I….could have saved your mother by going away…and I wasn't strong enough to stay away….I knew I…that I…would kill her…I'd told her not until she was immortal…I'd told her to wait….but…but…she had to…in the end she had to have you…and I…I couldn't say no to her" Edward spoke disjointedly but couldn't cry.

A beat passed between Nessie and Edward. He wasn't sure why his daughter's expression changed to complete hollowness. He looked away from his lap and into Renesmee's chocolate eyes—Bella's eyes.

"You'd rather have me not exist and still have mom. Without me…You would have her"

Edward opened and shut his mouth, wanting to say "You're better than Bella. I'd much rather love you than have her," but he couldn't. Nessie was right he'd rather have Bella than her.

With nothing to say, Edward stood up, and walked out of the room. Everything was wrong. Everything. Edward walked down the hallway in a haze, grabbing his Volvo keys from his pocket, and wondering how he'd managed to destroy everything. He was a monster.

The bump into Carlisle, which sounded like scraping rocks, surprised him. Carlisle placed a soft comforting hand on his shoulder "What is wrong son?"

"I've lost her…my daughter…Bella's daughter. I don't know how to get her back because I love Bella a million times more than I love Renesmee, and Renesmee knows I'd trade her existence to get Bella back…if I could"

Carlisle's face remained calm "You can love different people in different ways. Son…I love Esmee but I also love you…My love for Esmee doesn't change my love for you"

"But I didn't kill Esmee? I didn't rip her to shreds and burn the pieces. My existence wasn't the end of Esmee's. Could you love me then Carlisle? That is what I need to know. If I killed Esmee could you love me then?"

"Son" Carlisle said clearly meeting Edward's eyes "Before you can really love your daughter—the

you need to forgive Renesmee for what happened to Bella….But most importantly….You have to let Bella go."

"But…But" Edward responded looking worriedly at Carlisle "I can't do those things"

Author's Note:

As usual please R&R

I know its been a long time since the last update. I GRADUATED FROM MY UNIVERSITY! (which took alot of consumption in academics, and no time for fan fic.) I hope this need for education betterment is a good excuse, because I shan't be strapped with post-modernism papers any longer, and can be fully dedicated to searching for a better job and living with my head in a fanfiction cloud. I,do want to thank some people for getting me off of my lazy post college pettuti with their reviews.

As always my dear friend ,Mirandatx21, who also GRADUATED FROM MY UNIVERSITY! (in December, but still a celebration).

-I've updated my fan fic so the ball is in your court.

Lissy-your comment reminded me to type the chapter which had been sitting lost and neglected in my notebook

Mrs Cullen OMG-you stole the sn I wanted! and, most importantly I hate cliffies as well. I promise not to leave you just hangin.

Roosvh-I considered after the first 3 chapters stsying with a steady first person would have been better for the story, but I was alreeady three chapters in and didn't want to suddenly switch to first person. So, I totally, agree with you...This would be better in a first person narr.

As to not make the thanks page longer than the chapter I want to thank the following commentors really quick for outstanding reviewing:

resespieces14,kieraayanna, amiesuzie,intoxicait17,lydsness, and Cassey


	7. Chapter 7 Growing Up

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if I did I'd be rich as dirt, and tanning in my mansion as I drink mojitos.

Nessie leaned her head against Jacob's strong arm, and he felt like he was supporting something extremely fragile. If he moved his shoulder he intrinsically knew Nessie might shatter like glass into miniature pieces.

"Jake" she whispered soft and hollow "I'm afraid that I'm losing it. Like I'm going crazy or something...it's like I'm this different person, and I can't be my old self anymore"

"You're growing up Ness" Jacob said matter-of-factly unable to see Nessie's pale face which was staring into the wooden patio floor.

~.~.~

He could hear Bella's voice leave another message on the answering machine as feverish pain wracked body. His small bed was soaked in sweat, and he was sure he was dying.

Everything was different, his breathing switched pace, and Sam was standing strong and sure of himself over his bed.

"Jacob you're apart of your tribe's tradition. You are a werewolf"

At this moment Jacob felt his body changing; growing and extending. He was panting. Jacob turned his shaking head toward his father who was sitting in his wheelchair stoic and proud.

"Dad"

Jacob Black knew when he heard the feral bark come from his throat that he'd never be the same again.

~.~

"But" Nessie said disrupting Jacob's wandering mind and bringing him back to the patio outside of the Cullen house "Growing up isn't supposed to make me feel like I can't handle living until tomorrow. I see Alice and I see my entire family, and they're not trying to kill themselves. They seem… happy"

The strained way Nessie said happy made Jacob feel inexplicably sad. Nessie was supposed to be happy because it was Jacob's job to keep her happy and provide for her. Nessie was his imprint; his life. She shouldn't be straining to be happy, or wondering why it was so hard to know she would survive tomorrow.

"He woke me up Jacob—Mitch—took me into the real world. For the longest time I was stupid. Stupid me. All that mattered was what book I read next, and if my clothes matched. Now, I know better. There's like this whole other world. This whole wide world where I'm not safe and I'm insignificant."

Jacob put his arm around Nessie's thin shoulder, and he could feel something changing inside of him. Something in his core was shifting; like the day he first became a werewolf, like the day when Bella died, and like the day he first imprinted on Nessie.

"What if I do the same things like Esme? Like Carlisle? Like Rosalie? Over and Over again. My life would be a waste. Jacob…my life isn't meant for anything. I'm this massive mistake my father made. I am nothing. I know that now" she choked out "and I know I shouldn't think about how I don't matter, and how much of a waste I am….but I am…I really am. "

In an instant, both of Jacob's hands were on Nessie's arm. He was supporting her body as she shattered into a trillion unsalvageable pieces. Jacob focused his eyes on Nessie's—Bella's eyes—and everything changed and stayed the same. His attraction was growing unfathomably and infinitely deeper as Nessie's striking graceful beauty caught root into the eternal abyss of his soul.

Jacob was more than Nessie's protector—when he looked into her eyes—he was attracted and attached all at once. His heart beat nervously out of control. For the first time, he was seeing Nessie clearly; as his equal in maturity.

"Nessie you can't think that nothing matters. That you don't matter" Jacob's strong face was tightening as he tried to control himself from spilling all of his words into one massive word jumble "you—you—you matter to me—you mean everything to me—you keep me alive—you keep me here—you're the reason everything matters. You can feel how much I love you. Can't you?"

Nessie was running again; running before she could get caught up in the moment. She turned her head and saw Jacob sitting on the patio staring at her incredulously. Nessie knew she was confusing Jacob, and that he would think she couldn't feel the connection.

She was running into the house and into her room because she could feel the intensely strong connection along with everything else. She was swimming with emotion; lost. As she speeded up the stairs—with the sound of colliding boulders—Nessie ran into Jasper.

"Woah" Jasper said with a heavy inhalation of air "What is wrong?"

In saltine sobs she was stuttering and yelling "Can you—I need—I need to feel nothing—I don't want emotion—I don't want to be sad or—or happy—or change—I need to be nothing—I want to be nothing—it's—it's—it's too hard…Oh gosh…Oh gosh…I—I—I—can't breathe."

"JASPER!" Nessie screamed "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Jasper couldn't calm his crazed niece because her emotions were too strong. Nessie fell onto the stairs and covered her ears feeling confusion spiral around and forcing her to drown.

Edward was next to her—he'd run quickly from his room—before she could grasp any control. Nessie knew she was crazy and needed to destroy something to let the emotion escape. She felt the hate for her parent's mistake as she sprung and attacked her father; screaming, ripping, and biting.

In one swift second, Jasper's arms were around the uncontrollable Nessie. "So you're a monster now!" Edward yelled as the adrenaline pumped through his body "You let me—that scum in the motel—drive you over the edge!"

Edward stared at his uncontrollable daughter. He tried to listen to her thoughts, but they were discombobulated and non existent. She was irrationally angry. Edward looked at his daughter tenderly; he was solely responsible for this.

"Ness" Edward said softly "You are Bella's daughter…She was nothing but goodness…She was strong…She loved you…You are no monster"

Nessie calmed down, stopped struggling against Jasper, then her body went limp.

The house was quiet when Carlisle returned from work. He couldn't stop thinking about the small child whose last words were "I'm afraid to die." The doctor knew he shouldn't feel like a failure because late stage cancer was incurable, but he felt like a failure anyways and walked distractedly towards his large study.

The room was so quiet and still that he barely noticed his stone like son sitting in the chair across from his desk; waiting for him.

"Edward?"

"I don't know what to do" Edward said low and staring at the dark oriental rug "I can't let Bella go…I can't…I can't…and I'm loosing Nessie because of it, and I'm going crazy myself. I can't be here anymore. I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?"

"I have to leave…I know she's my daughter and I shouldn't abandon her…but I am going to destroy her the way I destroyed Bella"

Edward was so hollow and lost that Carlisle felt he wasn't talking to his son.

"So you're giving up on Nessie?"

"I'm…I don't know what I'm doing."

"She'll come around…She will come around…This is one of those things that—"

"Ever since I lost Bella" Edward interrupted in monotone "I stayed alive because she said it was important. I've been sleeping. I've been having these dreams."

"Sleeping?"

"Yes…Carlisle…I sleep…I dream…like a human. Like I'm human"

"What do you dream about?"

"It's the same dream every time. It's Bella…It's always Bella…telling me to read Wuthering Heights…that's all she says…but I know now what she is telling me now. I'm Heathcliff, I'm Romeo, I'm Winston…In love, blinded, and destroying everything...I thought she wanted me to read Wuthering Heights…Carlisle that is how stupid I am…"

Edward held a battered copy of the book so Carlisle could see it "and I stole her old copy and read it again and again looking for messages from her. Carlisle there is no message. I'm crazy. I'll never let her go, and I'll kill my daughter."

Nessie could hear her father's anguished admonition as she walked towards Carlisle's study to tell him how she attacked her dad. She stopped at the door and listened.

"I can't believe I was stupid enough to blame only her for killing Bella…She may have delivered the damning bite, but me—"

Nessie was falling and she couldn't hear anything anymore.

~.~.~

_A/n: _

_I'd like to apologize for how weird the last chapter came out towards the end...I'll go back and fix the weirdness another date. _

_I want to thank the following reveiwers for reviewing before I go to bed tonight (and dream about the Harry Potter theme park and disney world which I saw on my family vacation this past week...it was amazing)_

_gypsymj: your comment really meant a lot to me...and I want you to know that I'm totally appreciative and happy you feel that way._

_Lovewarorwhatever: she is just a child...poor girl._

_jessssss425: I can't even get over my last boyfriend (5 to 6 years ago)...love is soul crushing. _

_Lissy: Thanks for the congratulations! I hope this update seems sooner-much sooner than the last ones._

_overdramaticcomedian: Your comment really meant a lot to me...thanks for thinkin my stories are the best!_

_To everyone else please R&R! Thanks for reading!_


	8. Chapter 8 No Matter What You Do

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, but I do own socks.

The kiss was—space and time extension—incalculably quick, rough and raw. Renesmee could feel Jacob Black's hands holding onto her, she was safe and secure in steady hands—not shattering—and could kiss Jacob for the rest of her life. The kiss was proof that they were both intrinsically good people together. If only this wasn't a dream.

She was staring at the falling dust and bright white light when she entered into consciousness, Carlisle and Esme's head hovering above her, and she remembered everything with a crushingly painful suffocating feeling.

"Renesmee" said the concerned voice of Esme "Everything is going to be alright…Everything is going to be fine"

The voice was calming in a subtle way, but Nessie wasn't quelled.

"You knew, didn't you?—You knew—You knew—You knew" was all she could say, because she didn't quite know how to finish her accusation. Inside her head was screaming 'WHY MY FATHER HATED ME! WHY MY MOTHER DIED! WHY I ALWAYS FELT SOMETHING WAS WRONG!"

"How could we tell you?" Esme said quietly "How could we tell you about something that wasn't your fault."

"But that's just it—isn't it. It was—is—my fault that I don't have a mother—a real family…I'm the one that took all of that away"

"You didn't know what you were doing" Carlisle sighed with a near groan.

"How do you know? How can anyone know that I didn't know what I was doing? That some part of me! Some sick depraved part of me—that same part that let Mitch—that let Mitch—hurt me…didn't also want to kill my mother to."

The hall way was silent. Carlisle and Esme were silent, as Nessie sat up and noticed her father standing stone like and worried in the corner.

"Edward" Nessie said quietly, making her father's head snap to attention "Were one of a kind…aren't we?" she chuckled. "I can't live with them anymore…I can't live with them…I can't do this anymore, and I'm your daughter. Could you just take me away from here? Far away."

"I don't think that is best for you…running away from the situation"

"Why not?" Nessie said as tears crested a well-worn path "you ran away…you ran away for most of my life—"

Something in Edward's look stopped Nessie, and she didn't have to be a mind reader to understand it "you ran away from me? Didn't you?"

Edward didn't respond, but looked away.

Renesmee stood up from the spot, her head spinning just a little bit, and walked up the flight of stairs feeling completely numb, and entirely alone. She needed to talk to someone. In a situation like this she would normally talk to Jacob, but she could feel things had changed between them. Jacob was now an unfamiliar and uncharted territory, and she didn't have anymore emotion or vulnerability left to be an explorer.

Her entire existence was mockingly crashing around her. She couldn't kill herself. She couldn't run away. She couldn't talk to her best friend in the entire world.

In her bathroom she leaned over the toilet, thinking that she was going to vomit, because she felt physically sick. Except she couldn't throw up. Nessie realized the strange physical feeling in her body was hollowness. A frightened pang jumped into her throat afraid her soul was vacating her body.

Nessie stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. Even broken and apathetic; she was still beautiful. If she pulled out her hair and knocked out her teeth; she would still be beautiful. Her beauty pained her.

"How did I become this terrible person?" Nessie said to her reflection, a part of her hoping it would respond with some logical, 1+1=you answer.

"You aren't a terrible person." Jacob Black said outside of the closed bathroom door.

"Why are you in my room? Who said you could come in?"

"I was waiting for you—Ness, but when you came in you didn't even notice me sitting on the bed!—You know we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you Jacob"

"You don't want to talk to me about what? The fact that you can feel everything—absolutely everything—changing for me and you—or the fact that you're still obviously upset with Edward"

Nessie opened the bathroom door, with a soft click, and was biting her lip in a nervously anxious way "I just have one question for you, Jacob…just one."

"What is it?"

"Did you know I killed my mother?"

Jacob's ashamed face answered the question for her.

"How can you feel everything growing stronger and changing between me and you? When you've been lying to me from the very moment that I was born?" Nessie yelled out in tears.

"It was so much easier to lie to you, Nessie I—I—none of us could tell you—that you killed Bella because we were afraid—afraid of exactly this—of all of that goodness that we knew of you—all that goodness that was in Bella—would be lost because of some 5 second—5 second mistake."

"How can anyone know that it was a mistake? Why is everyone so quick to assume that I didn't do it purposefully?"

"Because you were a baby—a child—and children—all children make mistakes"

"What about half-vampire babies…I know I was born smarter—developed faster—what if it wasn't a mistake? What if I knew right and wrong and I knew what I was doing and I didn't care?"

Jacob didn't answer right away, and a long silence hung between the two of them "I can't convince you that you are a good person. I know you are a good person. Everyone knows that you are a good person, but that is something that you are going to have to know and understand for yourself."

"Would our connection be this strong if I figured out that I was a bad person?"

"It would be this strong no matter what you were"

Jacob moved close to Nessie, placing his hands on her face, and a sharp thrilling electric tingle made it's way through Nessie's body. She could feel her breathing catch somewhere in her chest; quickening. It didn't matter that she was confused and a well of emotions. It didn't matter that she didn't yet know if she was a monster or a contribution to society. The kiss wasn't at all what she imagined it would be like. Jacob wasn't stopping her from shattering into a million pieces, he wasn't trying to prove that she was all cookie-cutter goodness.

The kiss wasn't rough and ragged the way she had imagined it would be. Instead, it was slow softness and sweetness. Instead, it was a recognition that Jacob would love Nessie no matter where she was. For the first time, in a long time, Nessie wasn't thinking about the messed up situation of her family, but existing on some tingly infinite axis where things didn't matter. Jacob and Nessie pulled apart, Jacob was smiling, but Nessie wasn't. As soon as the kiss had ended she was more confused than ever about the nature of her soul.

* * *

A/n: There aren't many chapters left in this fanfic. Thanks for reading.

Adelina—Thanks so much for reading!

Lissy—We're almost at the end, and more updates are coming soon. Probably next week for the next chapter.

Always and Forever—It really means a lot to me that you loved my story.


End file.
